Pata Pata Apartment Amsterdam
The Good, the Bad, and the Very, Very Ugly
by Joe Rando
There is no question about it, as soon as you see the ad for Pata Pata you know it is a unique place – but in a fun way. We (me, my wife, and three daughters) stayed there at the end of August 2009. The dining room table appears to go on forever in the picture and in fact it does, seating about 14 people. There are countless African themed object and decorations throughout. The boat over the dining room table, the “bucket” shower, and the fun wall art really made us smile.
The Good
Pata Pata represents two things in its advertising that are true – it is very themed and it is very big. Also, the location near De Pijp neighborhood is good. It is near a supermarket. The dining room is big and really cool. There is a digital picture frame showing the apartment being built out that shows that this apartment was a labor of love by Rene and Martine – the owners.
The Bad
When we arrived, owner Rene greeted us and showed us around. He explained how everything worked. He told us that the dishwasher would get stuck and you would have to give the knob a tweak to get it to finish. But he said it only took 15 minutes to cycle so no biggie. In fact, once I fixed it, the dishwasher took over on hour to run and caused us to be stuck babysitting it numerous times. The 15 minute cycle wasn’t using the soap or hot water. We re-washed all the dishes.
The master bedroom looked like a porn set. It had two double mattresses side-by-side with a curtain all around. The bathroom was part of the room, as was the toilet – very noisy for the other person when you have to flush in the middle of the night. It was very weird sleeping there and the lighting was terrible. There was no way to read in bed. But the worst part was that there was no ventilation. In fact, not one window in the entire apartment opens.
With respect to the rest of the apartment, there were lights everywhere but no usable light (except at the dining room table). The lights were fun – but you couldn’t easily read, etc.
Not shown in the ads is that the apartment is LOADED with alcohol using an honor bar system. In fact there was no room in the fridge for food due to the beer and champagne. Not exactly the “great for families” place advertised.
Speaking of family friendly, though it purports to have a “strict no drugs policy’” a bong and a box full of hash pipes and drug paraphernalia were in plain view, available for use. We parents were not impressed.
The Ugly
When we arrived, we noticed that incense was burning. We don’t burn incense so after it dissipated, we realized it was masking a strong musty smell. As there is no ventilation in this apartment whatsoever, the moisture level was high due to showering, etc. and so the result appears to be rampant mold, mostly under the floor.
One of the first things my wife does before we unpack is look for bedbugs. They are in some hotels in most major cities. We checked the master bedroom first. There were no bedbugs but there were other bugs living under the mattress. No clue what they were.
The kitchen had both a microwave and a convection oven but they were filthy with old food. My wife scrubbed them clean, but the convection oven didn’t work. Bowls and pans had caked on food and also had to be cleaned before we could use them.
One of my daughters dropped something and it went under the bed. It was filthy under there, apparently never cleaned.
When Rene first showed us around, I noticed that some of the bedding didn’t look clean. I asked Rene and he assured me that everything was indeed clean. This would turn out to be an overstatement. We were given an unlaundered towel – it reeked of body odor! Then my daughter’s bedclothes started to stink horribly of body odor (not hers) simply from sleeping in the bed. Apparently either the bedding was not laundered or mattress was so disgusting the smell seeped through. This put us over the top.
I called Rene (the owner) about the mattress smell. He never called back. We baled on the apartment and rented two hotel rooms. I called again the next day and this time he answered. He promised to look into it and call me back later that day. As of a week later he still hasn’t called. Since he gets paid in advance, we have no recourse. But one can only assume that he is used to ignoring people when they complain, and given the state of the apartment, he probably get s a lot of complaints.
Conclusion
Pata Pata is a good idea gone wrong. There are two root problems, no ventilation and an unwillingness to clean. It truly turned out to be one of the most disgusting rental experiences of our lives. I am saddened by this because this could be a really fun place for families.